god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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