I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
