My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
