it's too hot outside to masturbate.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
