On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
