I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
