He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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