WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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