I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
