i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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