Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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