Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
