He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
