my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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