I just pynch a tree in the face
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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