I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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