I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
