we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
