Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
