He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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