did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
