Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
