He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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