Soap is not a condiment
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
