I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
my poor anus
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
