I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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