quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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