I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
