I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
