nut hugger
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You can't just leave with hair like that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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