yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
another moral hangover. fuck.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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