I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
