It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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