dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
