I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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