You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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