dude i'm inner monologue high
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i came on her dog
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
