First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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