Hey man sorry I got all grabby
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
