I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
