wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
