tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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