I wanna bring you to show and tell
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
