i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
