this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
