Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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