So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
