It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
