Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
