Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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