I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
