so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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