Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
