Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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