Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
