How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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